i want to say something relevant...

that moves you and shocks you into openness

surprising even yourself in it's magnitude and brilliance

i want to write it for myself

to wake up

but i cannot

and all my poetry

to ink your skin with my skin

has become my undoing

filling the most pregnant of thoughts with too many words

spilling into the sort of mess you can't undo

I remember the girl

Who set fire to curtains with candles

It was all about mood lighting

Back when

Every face was a poem

And I studied each line

With the curve of my spine

My heart like a child's

I was living inspired

And the world was just waiting

For me to arrive

I remember the time

When my mind was so open

And I was just hoping he'd be the one

Then my body turned numb

From all of the lovers that robbed me

Stealing poetry ripe from my body

Line after line

With every curve of my spine

A part of me died

Now I'm letting you go

Take my youth

And all of the beautiful words that I gave you

Now I'm letting you know

I'm at a loss

But I'm grateful I no longer crave you

The thought of you is a dream

that I can't touch

I almost had you once

To lose you twice is too much

There's nothing more real than the feelings I feel when I hear you open up

The joy is surreal when I let myself steal a moment of your lust

And I'm trying to decipher the road from the path

One is lower and darker

And one's light brings me back

Now I'm older and stronger

But I'm still an empath

You're the wood

Im the water

More like a sponge bath

I just want to soak you

Sink through you

And watch you expand

Coming back to me harder

And softer and wiser

Through the lines of your hands

We will float on the level

More than once and a while

We will flow back to shore with the rock of my thighs

And you'll kiss the land

And I'll touch the sky

If only I could reach you

In this dream of mine

I wish I could write you a poem

Something you never heard before

But all I want to do

Is escape into your swimming silence

Entwine my naked self

With your breathing skin

And rest there

Knowing in the morning

Your alarm will wake me

Softly into the world

By your striving eyes

Wanting more.

My roots are naked
My flesh is ripe
I’m opening daily
Delivering at night
So if you’re ordering inside
Your fortune’s looking bright
I’m expanding on levels
Far out of sight
But I’ve never wanted to be seen
Like I do
Right now
Cause vulnerability IS POWER
And I’ve unveiled a flower
Pulled back the layers
Let’s manifest
Like a prayer
Rewrite the stars
Let’s get super charged
Stand by our hearts
You can lean on me
Reaching to be free
Cause I’m steadily unstable
And I plan to break the table
This box
Has been reshaped
Cause I wrote the mix tape
And I’m dancing
All
Over
It
Cause I am
So
Over
It
I wanna scream
With love
I wanna scream
In frustration
But it doesn’t have to be a
Bad thing
Or some out of reach temptation
Cause we can make it a
Transcendent kinda thing
Where we change a nation
From the rage
We grow up
And own up
To the mistakes we’ve made
Cause when you plant roots

in a dirty mess
And grow the shit out of your self
It’s called being BLESSED
And I’m watering this garden
Completely obsessed
Gratitude alone will grow this
Watch me
Bloom
Even my roots
Can change
With the temperatures
And it’s getting hot in here
So I ask
You
How about we plant a garden?
One by one
Cause I’m just getting started
Love

your rhythm gets me in
to the pockets of your skin
and i'm thinking
there's a thin
line between fucking yourself
and a night on the town
cause i'm going down
to the center of my chest
to find that smoke was left
from the last time you shot me
and without rest
my love lingers
down those dark streets
of our memories
as you sink in
to meet me
for one last cup of coffee

Oh, wondrous life long brilliant affections, how sweet she moves me unto tomorrow

To rise again in all this openness

Oh, the humility, our bodies burning and not our own

It seems fate, we are mortals and have nothing, nothing!

We are not owners, but drivers

Crashing frames of destiny, full belly and heart, beating to the drum of time...

Where are we going? What more can I leave behind? But the "I" and this day, but a day!

Oh, wondrous day, this breath, to be!

Crafted by magic

Forgiveness and compassion

Two soulmates determined

You were meant to happen

Like a light in my heart

You turned off the dark

With visions of love

A dream soon to come

Born from the healing

A second chance revealing

True love had a path

And found it’s way back

You are the gift

The seed of believing

With hope comes new life

Living and breathing

Worthiness

Is not a gift

We’re born with it...

I wish I could go back in time

I wish that I could press rewind

To love myself

These are my
fallen lips
for they have licked the skin of lies
and kissed the eyes
of men I never loved

These are my
guilty tears
for they have filled my heart with blame
so sharp they stabbed
the child I used to love

I danced with the words
for years I heard
Never the same
Never to escape
Your prison
Your punishment
Of imperfections

The lies that made the mask
These eyes that lie in glass
My hair and ribbons

Unlock my bones
for all the old
is caged inside them

And I will die without new blood
and I will die
Without self-love

Your voice is a lighthouse

Your arms like a harbor

That once housed my skin

To safety you call me

Words, rocking me softly

"Love, come back in"

I've been floating alone

On an ocean so cold

Losing sight of the sun

I stopped believing in one

Till I heard your song

And remembered my own

Your warmth lit the path

Started leading me back

To life on an island

You're every symbol of this

The beauty, the depth, the dynamics

The kiss

Made up of a mouthful

Of silence

Of bliss

Home is where you are

So deeply I miss

And now that you've woken me

Back to my truth

I will thank you forever

For just being YOU!

When you saw me naked for the first time
and it redefined the look in your eyes

like I just blew your mind

When the touch of our lips
felt like jumping off a cliff

It was so fucking freaky

When falling was just another word for flying

You fell for me

Knowing that newness would turn into a memory

You asked "Will You Marry Me"

I was taught the hard way

That I was born a dreamer

Life showed me it was dangerous

To live as a believer

Still somewhere in my heart of hearts

I've never given up

Still wishing on that fairytale

Someday when I grow up

My soul still dances when I walk

So that I know I'll never stop

Dreaming of the perfect love

That tastes of wine

And lights me up

Call me a fool or call me brave

I'm not always sure

It depends on the day

But I rather live a life half full

Than fear and regret I never dreamed at all

©2019 Photo by Michelle Chamberlin

The evolution of Madame fucking butterfly and her return to glory

Sacred succulent

Sensual super soaker

Shapeshifter

Dream catcher

Life creator

Sermon holder

Power snatch

Butterfly trap

Flying and soaring

This is the sound of her petals unfolding

I don’t know how to let you touch me

Everything hurts

If only you had never seen so deep into me

Then we could go on pretending

Everything looks pretty

If only you had never lived in my darkness

Then I could convince you I won’t stay here long

And I would remember for a minute

What it feels like

To want you

To touch me

So you could love me

From a little closer

Than across the living room

From one mother to another

I have no words

Just tears so angry they are vibrating stuck inside of my body

I have no words

Still waiting to make sense

Of such evil

But it will never make sense

I will never comprehend

This

History

Which is not just history but living and breathing pain

This is not sympathy

Or an apology

Because I have no words

That would ever make it go away

Or feel better

I will never

Find somewhere to put this knowing

Of their hate

Their greed

Their evil

All the stolen

Everything

Every child

their innocence and all that remains

I have no words

Just tears

215 and counting

Too many years of denying

It happened

It’s happening

This cover up

The minimizing

Of generational trauma

Right here

Right now

I have no words

Just this knowing

we must help heal this broken

We must all heal what’s broken

Your dick in my mouth

When I told you the truth’s gotta come out

I’m sucking it in

Counting down

Every pound

Trying to shape shift

Into some magic trick

I’m sucking it in

I thought we’ve been through this

You know

With feminism and shit

I’m sucking it in

That tree is my breath

And you’re strangling the whole world

To death

I’m sucking it in

This water is God’s gift

And you’re profiting off of it

Making millions sick

N’est-ce pas, Nesquik?

I’m sucking it in

Buried babies

Under holy crosses

Thousands and counting

And no one is talking

Are we even listening?

I’m sucking it in

Mental health crisis

Homelessness crisis

Opioid crisis

Suicide Crisis

Climate crisis

Refugee Crisis

Famine Crisis

Obesity Crisis

Spiritual Crisis

I’m sucking it in

My Body My Choice

Me Too Movement

Black Lives Matter

Every Child Matters

Protect The Old Growth

Forests Matter

The Oceans Matter

Animal Lives Matter

I Can’t Breathe

But my feelings don’t matter

I’m sucking it in

Global Pandemic

Polarization

Dividing the nation

With fear and with blaming

Human Rights issues

As freedoms are fading

Our privacy open to media shaming

Freedom of Thought

Or Freedoms at all

Or Love

Don’t Apply Here

We must conquer or fall

I’m sucking it in

They don’t deserve clean water

They don’t deserve health care

They don’t deserve housing

They don’t deserve compassion

They don’t deserve a choice

They don’t deserve a voice

I’m sucking it in

Your apathy is growing

And your hatred is showing

And my heart is fucking breaking

Watching and knowing…

I’m sucking it in…No!

I can no longer suck it in

Or suck it up

What I wanna know…is who will we become?

Fuck fascism. I want LOVE!